Real stories that would be rejected at "The Onion," Vol. 2

And simultaneously give your local news editors and anchors "pun overload."
[Courtesty of the Huffington Post.]

"Nation Buys Porn with Stimulus Package"

President Bush's economic stimulus package, which appears so far to have been ineffective in stroking the economy to life, is giving an unexpected raise to the porn industry.

From an Adult Internet Market Research Company press release: An independent market-research firm, AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), has discovered that many websites focused on adult or erotic material have experienced an upswing in sales in the recent weeks since checks have appeared in millions of Americans' mailboxes across the country.

According to Kirk Mishkin, Head Research Consultant for AIMRCo, "Many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20-30% growth in membership rates since mid-May when the checks were first sent out, and typically the summer is a slow period for this market."

Wait. There's a porn season??

Exclusive Wry Toast Contest:  Be Your Own Newscaster!

So let's say this little gem is the last feature on "Action-Witness News at 10," and you're one of the co-anchors. 

You cock (sorry) and eyebrow, look at Brick the Weather Guy, and say, 

"Guess you could say....." [Post a comment to win fabulous prizes!] 

Comments

[SDB]

You know what... if you're an anchor and you read just what that says, there's no WAY you can top it.

[Lady Baker]

"Guess you could say that there are a lot of "stimulated packages" out there, Brick..."

[Wryter]

"Well, Veronica, looks like instead of screwing us, Congress decided to buy us dinner first, and give us a PACKAGE (higher voice, cocked eyebrow) that satisfies."