This never happened to Popeye

I like Craisns.

Really.  I do. 

About a year or so ago, they made their entry into the pantry.  

Tonight.  I'm counting on them.

S'okay... anyway, tonight was open house at my fourth grade son's school.  Met the teacher, who it turns out looks NOTHING like fourth-grade teachers used to look.  Not even close.  If they had, they'd have had to drag me to fifth kicking and screaming. 

But I digress.  Back to Craisins. 

You know, they say the mighty cranberry is mightily overlooked as a marvel of nature.  All sorts of health implications have been heaped upon it lately.  And while citrus fruit long ago cornered the scurvy market; and I learned long ago that cranberries go grrrrrrrrrreat with vodka and ice, the Cranberry Marketing Committee says that they also reduce the risk of gum disease, ulcers, heart disease, cancer and urinary tract infections. 

Tonight I'm hoping that they do something more.  You see, here is the timeline of my last hour:

7:43 pm [Eastern Daylight Time]: See my old Phys Ed teacher on my way out of my son's open house.  He's now teaching my son, and we chatted for a bit.  Great guy.

8:00 pm Arrive home from open house.

8:11 pm:  Informed by son that he got in trouble in Gym class this week, and that he was mortified that the teacher would tell me before he got the chance to.  Kid was practically sh*tting his pants.  [Hold that thought for a bit later in the timeline.]  He has to "write" for gym class next week, which means while everybody else plays, he has to sit and write.  I was the benevolent but firm Dad.  Hell, the embarassment alone should be enough.  

8:37 pm:  There's some leftover salad on the table.  With CRAISINS!!!!!  Dump remaining contents of salad bowl onto plate; add some leftover grilled chicken from the fridge; sprinkle with some dressing.  Voila!  The Perfect Salad!

8:45 pm:  Turn on news before we watch our DVD from Season 5 of The Sopranos.  [We've been watching the whole series since June.  I think I'm going to be Paulie Walnuts for Halloween.]

8:46 pm:  Hear the following bulletin:  
An outbreak of E. coli in eight states has left at least one person dead and 50 others sick, federal health officials said Thursday in warning consumers not to eat bagged fresh spinach.

8:46:14 pm:  Stop chewing The Perfect Salad.  Look at graphic on TV highlighting the 8 states.  One of them is mine.  Connecticut.

8:46:15 pm:  Gaze down at The Perfect Salad and the green leafy things that are surrounding my Craisins.  Baggged.  Fresh.  Spinach.

8:47 pm:  Read more on Yahoo News.  Look at graphic of e coli.  Did you know that e coli looks remarkably like Plankton.  [Oh yeah, one more thing.  Some guy in Wisconsin DIED from this sh*t.  Oh, I almost forgot:  the sh*t.  Apparently, there's lots of it on the way.  Maybe.]  

8:48 pm:  Locate the Cranberry Marketing Committee and start researching the curative powers of the little red buggers.

8:53 pm:  Begin what may be my last post.

Come on, cranberries!

DEVELOPING...

Update on Friday, September 15, 2006 at 01:35AM by Wryter

1:35 am:  All's quiet.  Too quiet.  Really, though.  This story led the 11:00 news.  Did I happen to mention... a guy died!!

Update on Friday, September 15, 2006 at 08:24PM by Wryter

24 Hours from "S" Hour.  All clear.  Oh... I'm still gonna be Paulie Walnuts for Halloween.