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Elemental Wry-ku

I sometimes wonder who died
And made carbon King?



I've got LOTS more to say on this topic.  Suffice it to say, Why Carbon?  It's SIXTH!  Why not Argon?

Ever hear Toyota try to compare the Beryllium footprint of the new Prius vs. a Hemi?  They won't.  Know why??  No dif! Take Carbon out of play, and there's no edge. 

I learned this from my oldest son.  It's like the schoolyard bully.  The biggest kid is bound to challenge the skinny kid to a punching contest.  This happened to my son.  He was the skinny kid.  Nay:  The skinny clever kid who, at age 6, had the presense of mind to say, "I got a better idea.  Let's have a running contest."  The bully agreed, and promptly lost. 

Carbon... oh, how original.  Please.  Helium is way more fun, it's ahead of Carbon in the batting order and it's a noble gas! 

So the next time Larry David's ex-wife comes walking in your direction, be the skinny clever kid.  Tell her why her canteen made from a recycled 747 wing can't compare with the Strontium footprint of a bottle of water.  (Or even its water footprint, but that's a molecule. I digress.)

Read the chart above.  Pick one.  Get thee to Thallium before someone else does.  Own it.  I've got a charcoal grill to get to. 

* Appealing to the judges for a little poetic license on this one.

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Reader Comments (1)

So, which element were you on when you wrote this?
April 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNora

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